I tend to be in a rush, a lot. One thing I like about writing is that the process begs you to slow down. It is for me, calming. Therapeutic. Restorative. Writing forces you to think, if you want to do it well, about every word, about structure, syntax, semantics. Writing forces you to think. And when you are an over thinker it is nice to only think about one thing. I think therefore I am. I over think therefore I write.
If your work doesn’t reflect your passion then what. Is. The. Point. Question Mark. That was the final line of some literature we read this week during a leadership session with Keturah. It may have been said more eloquently. The message is the same however. I am aware that this is a very idealistic First World view to espouse. Most of the world does not have the privilege of fretting over what they will do with their life. Their die has been cast. Nevertheless, I will still continue to think about it. Relentlessly.
I have had an interesting week. Every week is interesting, every week is many things, but in particular, this week has been prospective. Which has been a concurrent theme throughout many of my blogs, of course it has – this experience was always very much about what came after it, for me. There are a lot of things running through my head today. Questions and statements. I’m trying to sift through the helpful of those. Do you ever feel like there is a competition of thought in your head? Like some weird reality show where your desires, fears, beliefs, wants, hopes, dreams, anxieties: the tornado of thought that makes up each one of us is vying for attention and prominence? Yeah, me either. Its funny when things are going “well” or “to plan”, you tend to think about the “good” more, and when things are the opposite of well or on plan, you dwell on that opposite. Its funny. Kind of. It’s like when someone prays “religiously” when they are depressed, and are lax when they are happy or when we listen to emotive songs when we are heart broken. Maybe that’s just me, but I don’t think so.
This experience has been, for me, in many ways, a collision. Of sorts. A collision of my faith, and call that has derived from that, colliding with action. A collision of experiences and choices that has led me here. Not For Sale is a collision…of minds, ideas and passions, colliding together to create something positive and effective to put back into the world – the pursuit justice colliding against the expanse of injustice. Maybe life is just a series of collisions that push and pull us in different directions. Love is a bit like two lives colliding, meshing for a moment, sometimes a long lasting moment, sometimes a fleeting moment. Social interactions are mini (and sometimes major) collisions. A clash of heads. Energy is created by a collision of atoms nuclei splitting into smaller parts. We collide with different stories as we progress through ours, some stick and some do not. Our world collides with other people’s worlds. What am I trying to say? I guess I am trying to say that it sometimes gets bumpy, this journey of running into each other – snap, crackle and popping through life can leave us bruised and battered – we leave fragments of ourselves, we pick up fragments of other people. Most of the time, it is only in retrospect that we see the events of our lives with clarity. It would help if we could press the pause button, but it does not work like that. It’d be great if we could view our world of collisions from 10 thousand feet, and see the way through, like viewing a maze from above. Although if we were able to enter a cheat code into the game of life would we, would you, would it be worth it? It would certainly be rather un-intriguing and rather boring. What is that saying? Variety is the spice of life. Nope, I think its drama. We’ve all created dramas, or at least perpetuated them. We are all drama Kings or Queens of our contentious little worlds. It is pretty silly in light of the realities of our messed up world. With that said, emotion is relative and according to my Dad and Lauren Hill, everything is everything. I supposed then our task is simple; choose your surroundings carefully. If we are going to crash, bang and boom our way through life, and it seems that is all but inevitable, then all the more reason to surround ourselves with good, I guess then we would be less likely to collide with the bad.
“I write entirely to find out what I’m thinking, what I’m looking at, what I see and what it means. What I want and what I fear” (Joan Didion). I am sure it is easy to tell that I don’t think about what I am going to write about each week until I start writing. Which to be honest is quite nice. Writing academically one has to be very deliberate, stick to the script, the formula. Writing reflectively one can just let whatever happens happen. It is freeing. I said that I am often in a rush; it’s an ailment that has infected my generation, status updates, tweets, push notifications, email, txt, all advocates of this generational haste. Sometimes you have to go away to come back, James Brown sung, “you gotta get up to get down”, I would like to add – sometimes you have to slow down to speed up.